The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition
by DreamerAngel17
Summary: This set of rules has been written from observation of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads and shall be held as such, no matter the situation. We don't care what those suspicious sticky notes say.
1. Foreword

Disclaimer-I do not own Bleach, nor do I make any profit from it. I'm just borrowing Kubo Tite-san's characters for a while for a little fun. I'll have them back before curfew.

AN: It's the long awaited sequel. The Gotei 13 is as dysfunctional as they come so what have the captains been up to?

AAN: Aizen, Ichimaru and Tosen are still 'good guys'.

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46-Captain's Edition<strong>

_Foreword_

If you are reading this paragraph at this moment, you have taken the time to read and comprehend the summary of this rulebook. We thank you for your time and interest in this manual.

If you are a lieutenant reading this, you have no business delving into this book. A manual has already been written for you and contains all of the necessary changes for the proper behavior for your rank. Go read it.

If you are a captain reading this, you are supposed to be reading this. The lieutenants manual is for the lieutenants and serves to correct the behavior of the _lieutenants_. There is no reason for you all to be snooping into your second seats' business. You all received this book at last week's joint meeting and were expected to read it, no excuses.

_Yes, you were expected to __**read. **__This whole book as a matter of fact._

As stated in the first paragraph on the first page, this handbook is solely for the purpose of correcting the irrational and negative behavior of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. In no way, shape, or form should this handbook be seen _humorous _or taken _lightly_.

The rules laid out in this handbook are based on the day-to-day observations of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. This handbook, or manual as it may be called, will be updated when ludicrous and/or erratic conduct is performed. This handbook will also be edited/checked by Head Captain Yamamoto when first drafted, as to add his input.

This manual shall concern the actions of the following captains:

-_**Soi Fon: Squad Two captain**_

_**-Ichimaru Gin: Squad Three captain**_

_**-Unohana Retsu: Squad Four captain**_

_**-Aizen Sosuke: Squad Five captain**_

_**-Kuchiki Byakuya: Squad Six captain**_

_**-Komamura Sajin: Squad Seven captain**_

_**-Kyoraku Shunsui: Squad Eight captain**_

_**-Tousen Kaname: Squad Nine captain**_

_**-Hitsugaya Toshiro: Squad Ten captain**_

-_**Zaraki Kenpachi: Squad Eleven captain**_

_**-Kurotsuchi Mayuri: Squad Twelve captain**_

_**-Ukitake Jushiro: Squad Thirteen captain**_

The language in this manual shall be upfront, direct and accurate. Our words will not be misconstrued, but if this results, shall be explained on request. Titles such as _'captain' _and _'taicho'_, _'lieutenant' _and _'fukutaicho'_ are interchangeable and will be used in place of each other.

Zaraki, please put your shirt on.

If there are any questions/comments regarding the information inside this handbook, they should be directed to Sasakibe-fukutaicho (_perfect example of title changing)_, seeing as he is the only lieutenant with commendable behavior. He is now in charge of the commentary status of this book and the lieutenants handbook as well.

We shouldn't have to write this. You captains should know better.


	2. Page One

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

Disclaimer-I don't own Bleach but I do own Lieutenant Shihoin.

AN: It has begun; hope it lives up to the hype, unlike some certain NBA players *cough*

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

1) This is not Sparta, stop telling the new recruits that.

2) Captain Ichimaru, stop auctioning yourself off as a sex slave.

3) Captain Tousen, please stop offering your lieutenant to the Shihoin elders.

4) Captain Unohana, please stop performing unnecessary surgery on Squad 11 members. They're annoying but they're still soul reapers.

5) Captain Kyoraku, you do not need theme music every time you enter a room.

6) Captain Ukitake, please don't give Lieutenant Kusajishi candy.

7) Captain Hitsugaya, don't unleash Hyorinmaru unless it is absolutely necessary.

8) Captain Zaraki, we're sure Godzilla does not exist.

9) Stop using your rank to cut the lunch lines in your barracks.

10) Captain Kurotsuchi, please stop threatening Urahara Kisuke with that `device'.

11) You cannot use your unseated subordinates as bargaining chips.

12) This creature does not exist so stop running around the Seireitei yelling, `RELEASE THE KRAKEN!'

13) Head Captain Yamamoto _will_ lecture you if you murder your subordinates.

14) Ukitake please, your female members have work to do.

15) Captain Kuchiki, please refrain from silently mocking your lieutenant distastefully, he's already paranoid as it is.

16) What did that building do you Zaraki?

17) Ukitake, please refrain from dressing up in holiday costumes during work hours.

18) Don't talk back to your lieutenant, Hitsugaya.

19) Those lemonade stands in the middle of the center courtyard are now prohibited.

20) Stripping is not a necessary form of interrogation, don't do it.

21) Soul reapers are not entitled to paternity leave.

22) Stop using your rank to make your subordinates do your field work for you. If _you_ are assigned a mission, _you_ are the one that has to do it.

23) Stop discussing Squad Zero with the new recruits and the lieutenants; they're starting up conspiracy theories again.

24) Do not encourage the running of illegal contraband rings out of your barracks.

25) Captain Kuchiki, please stop threatening substitute soul reaper Ichigo Kurosaki.

26) Do not encourage the running of illegal contraband rings in the center courtyard. Why do something illegal where we can see?

27) Captain Soi Fon, please act responsibly if a new recruit labels you as a transvestite.

28) Those jokes aren't funny anymore Aizen.

29) Please stop directing the new recruits to wrong locations when they ask for assistance. You all are captains, act like it.

30) Kyoraku, please stop trying to `pimp out' Captain Ukitake as a sugar daddy.


	3. Page Two

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

Disclaimer-I don't own Bleach but I do own Lieutenant Shihoin.

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

31) Kurotsuchi, we _needed_ those new recruits.

32) Ichimaru, stop encouraging your lieutenant's ninja fetish.

33) Aizen, don't encourage Ichimaru in encouraging his lieutenant's ninja fetish.

34) Kuchiki, please don't tell jokes about how you use your zanpakuto to cut your hair.

35) Scratch that, Kuchiki don't tell jokes.

36) Kyoraku, your lieutenant _can_ report you for sexual harassment.

37) We've already banned fan fiction Soi Fon; stop writing those stories.

38) Hitsugaya, you are not allowed to carry Hyorinmaru around the Squad 11 barracks.

39) Zaraki, we've already caught the creepy guy that was terrorizing the Seireitei.

40) Tousen, those recruits did not appreciate your brand of `justice'.

41)'Engrish' is not the national language of the Seireitei.

42) Komamura, stop allowing mud-wrestling matches in your barracks.

43) And stop charging so much for tickets...

44) Kyoraku and Ichimaru, stop bringing sexy back; it never left.

45) Soi Fon please stop threatening Lieutenant Shihoin for candid pictures of her sister, Yoruichi.

46) Seriously Zaraki, we got him.

47) Kuchiki, stop carving those statues of that seaweed thing, your sister has work to do.

48) Hitsugaya, stop freezing your barracks when your reports aren't turned in on time. Surely you can come up with a better punishment for your squad than that.

49) Stop standing outside Lieutenant Abarai's window at night Kurotsuchi.

50) Do not blackmail Lt. Shihoin for pictures of her sister Soi Fon.


	4. Page Three

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

Disclaimer-I don't own Bleach but I do own Lieutenant Shihoin.

AN: One reviewer suggested that I make a manual for the Espada, a (very) tempting idea but I don't know if I could make it work. :/

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

51) Who suggested porn on their monthly funds submission report?

52) Whoever's drawing those doodles on their mission reports, stop it.

53) We don't care how many diagrams you show us Kurotsuchi, we will not let you operate on Kisuke Urahara using that `device'.

54) Hitsugaya, stop handcuffing your lieutenant to the statue in the main courtyard. She uses this as a place to exclaim her sexual preferences.

55) No one cares about your sex appeal Kyoraku. Get back to work.

56) Stop instigating naked catfights between Yoruichi Shihoin and Lt. Matsumoto Komamura. We don't care if they're `into that'.

57) That list containing the sexual kinks of every captain and lieutenant needs to be removed of Squad One's front door. NOW.

58) Kurotsuchi, stop sending out squad members with rags and telling them to ask people `Does this smell like chloroform?' You don't need live test subjects.

59) Unohana, stop silently appearing behind people while they're in conversation. Majority of Seireitei is scared of you as it is.

60) Soi Fon, you are not allowed to use the Stealth force for personal reconnaissance. Yoruichi was _not _thrilled to see you there.

61) Tousen, don't encourage Ichimaru's hole puncher fetish.

62) In honest clarity Zaraki, we got him.

63) Kuchiki, that request from Squad 12 doesn't help your lieutenant's paranoia.

64) Unohana, stop harassing the other squads about medical appointments. Those signs don't help either.

65) Ichimaru, you do not have the ability to issue smiting power.

66) Aizen, stop trying to compete with Hitsugaya and Kuchiki about who has the biggest fan girl following.

67) Tousen, we'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to sell your lieutenant to the Shihoin elders.

68) Ukitake, stop trying to get Captain Hitsugaya to pose for the cover of that children's book. We don't care how cute he looks in that sailor uniform.

69) Unohana, please conduct psychiatric evaluations somewhere else besides the Squad 12 barracks.

70) Kurotsuchi, you are hereby banned from performing psychiatric evaluations. You're causing the problems you should be curing.


	5. Page Four

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

AN: I have to admit, I was laughing when I wrote some of these rules. Those darn captains and their hi-jinks *silently mocks distastefully*

Oh! I've had an idea that I've wanted to try again, an idea where the readers submit their own rules. So if you want to include a rule, put it in a review and I'll collect them all and make a reader's page of rules. Of course, I'll give credit to all those that participate ;)

Disclaimer-I don't own Bleach but if I did, this manual would be LAW.

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

71) Kyoraku, you have to face the wrath of your lieutenant _alone_. We warned you about sexual harassment charges.

72) Ichimaru, do _not _distribute those nude pictures of you and Captain Aizen.

73) Tousen, your division must not print _anything_ the Shinigami Women's Association gives you. We don't care how much they blackmail you.

74) Unohana, please control the Shinigami Women's Association. Blackmailing the publishing division is illegal.

75) Kuchiki, stop playing on your lieutenant's paranoia. You knew what would happen on that run to Squad 12.

76) Zaraki, you are not permitted to leave for the world of the living. We're sure that our substitute soul reaper Kurosaki Ichigo doesn't want `that ass kicking I owe him'.

77) Stop attaching sticky notes to mission reports.

78) There are no plans to re-enact the human movie `Clash of the Titans'. Stop building those movie sets and get rid of that giant squid-octopus thing.

79) Stop trying to convince lost souls to turn into hollows just so you can kill them Zaraki.

80) Stop allowing your subordinates to pointlessly kill others. We hate the clean-up.

81) Pool parties are now banned.

82) Toga parties are now banned.

83) Glow-in-the-dark raves are now banned.

84) Return that ambulance truck to the world of the living Komamura.

85) Zaraki, don't let your lieutenant eat the Hell butterflies.

86) Stop filing sexual harassment charges against your lieutenant Hitsugaya.

87) Stop trying to use that dog whistle on Komamura, Ichimaru. It doesn't work no matter how hard you blow it.

88) Do not misconstrue our words. There are no sexual implications behind _anything_ we say.

89) Komamura, stop playing along with that bum Ichimaru.

90) Aizen, please stop comparing your sex appeal to Shunsui's.


	6. Page Five

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

AN: I'd like to thank **Miku Alli, Writing bunny, LeftHRyder, RukiaGallega, Vamprissqueen, SuperYuuki, Vampire13princess** and **Ayse-of-Hearts** for taking the time to come up with some rules for this handbook. I couldn't use all the rules contributed because it would disrupt the flow of the story but I just want you guys to know, you other readers too, that you guys are AWESOME.

Disclaimer- I do not own Bleach or the rules for this page of the handbook.

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

91) Zaraki, please refrain from clear cutting the forests surrounding the Rukongai. We have enough problems trying to keep the trees from catching on fire from Kurotsuchi's toxic waste dumping. Oh and Kurotsuchi, stop that.

92) Unohana, stop giving the SWA blackmail material to use against Tousen.

93) Soi Fon, stop planting false evidence just so you have more people to arrest.

94) Kenpachi, stop sleeping all day and keep an eye on your lieutenant. She diarrhea my tea ceremony.

95) You don't have to use your zanpakuto for resolve your arguments. You all are captains, it's suppose that you are mature enough to act in a civilized way.

96) No Kuchiki, you can't use your zanpakuto against the SWA members, not even if they break into your manor again.

97) Aizen, stop scheming with Ichimaru to take out Hitsugaya and Kuchiki's "fan base" so you'll have less competition.

98) And do not have Lt. Kira do it "ninja style".

99) Ichimaru, stop scaring recruits with those rumors about Captain Aizen. He's a kind, respectable man and he'd never do something like that.

100) Kurotsuchi, stop trying to out-do your previous captain. It's not gonna happen.

101) Ukitake, please stop giving Hitsugaya candy. He'll give it to Yachiru.

102) Hitsugaya stop giving your candy to Yachiru.

103) The Seireitei is not a tourist attraction so stop releasing the souls of dead celebrities just to make a quick buck.

104) Tousen, stop using your blindness as an excuse to face-plant Matsumoto-fukutaicho's breasts.

105) Zaraki, stop sneaking into the 12th Division so you can send a message saying the Seireitei is under attack, just to get Kurosaki to come.

106) Chicken pot pies are banned.

107) Celebrating Mardi Gras is banned. Forever.

108) Hitsugaya, please control your temper. That blizzard did not `come out of nowhere'.

109) Tousen, stop using the fact that you're blind as an excuse to not follow these rules. The brail copy you were given was for this reason.

110) And don't try to tell us you can't read brail either.


	7. Interlude

Disclaimer-I do not own Bleach, nor do I make any profit from it. I'm just borrowing Kubo Tite-san's characters for a while for a little fun. I'll have them back before curfew.

AN: So the Espada manual idea is being considered. Thoroughly considered ;)

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><p><strong><span>The Handbook of Central 46: Captains' Edition<span>**

_Interlude_

This is a service announcement.

It has come to our attention (several times) that small, multicolored sticky notes are being posted around the Seireitei.

Granted, we would not have a problem with this, since many of the academy teachers use them during training runs with their classes in the Seireitei.

This time we have a problem.

It seems that a person or persons has taken a liking of writing slander on these sticky notes and is posting them in several populous locations around the Seireitei. Majority of these sticky notes discuss Captain Sosuke Aizen and something about an evil plot, something that is totally untrue.

As of yet, we do not know who is doing this or what their motivation is, but we want to discourage anyone from copying these acts. We have reason to believe that the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads have come in contact with this person(s) since they seem to adhere to some of the notes.

The perpetrator(s) must be caught.

All seated and unseated shinigami should be on the look-out for any suspicious looking activity around the Thirteen Court Guard Squad barracks. If you are approached by any suspicious looking person, do not engage them in any sort of physical or verbal combat, as we don't know who they are and what they are capable of.

Lieutenants should be aware of any changes in their captains' general and normative behavior. If there are any significant changes, report it to the Head Captain and the matter shall be dealt with.

As for the captains, what little contact you all have with the perpetrator(s) must be cut off. This means no more reading the sticky notes, gossiping about what the next batch would be concerning and making copies of the sticky notes to publish in the Seireitei newsletter.

_Yeah, we knew about that._

Any information regarding this recurring phenomena shall be reported to Head Captain Yamamoto when available and the sticky notes shall be removed immediately.

All this popularity that these sticky notes have amassed in this short amount of time shall be downsized and no, we will not take a look at them to see what they say about us. We do not care how you all feel about this because this is our decision and our position outranks yours.

Although it would be nice if one of the captains could look _for _us…


	8. Page Six

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

AN: People really want me to do an Espada manual.

Disclaimer-I don't own Bleach but I do own Lieutenant Shihoin.

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

111) Unohana, please think of better ways to remind shinigami of check-ups. No one wants to be dragged by their hair kicking and screaming.

112) Stop opening and closing the Senkaimon.

113) None of you are allowed theme songs when you enter a room. We don't care what Shunsui says.

114) Whoever is leaving these weird sticky notes with conspiracy theories written on them, stop it. Captain Aizen is not that kind of man.

115) Ukitake, the cake is a lie.

116) Ichimaru, don't encourage the lieutenants with those ridiculous Gods of Rukongai.

117) Aizen, stop walking around singing 'Aizen Wants to Rule the World'. You're encouraging those conspiracy theories on the sticky notes.

118) Stop writing conspiracy theories on those sticky notes.

119) None of you are demigods from Rukongai sent to separate the believers from the non-believers.

120) Zaraki, you are not the King of Fighting, nor are you allowed to start up a tournament, recruit fighters and watch them fight to the death.

121) Soi Fon, stop writing those stories and reading them aloud to the SWA. Captain Ukitake is already nervous around you as it is.

122) Why are all of these sticky notes posted around the Seireitei with slander of Captain Aizen written on them?

123) Stop drawing genitals on mission reports.

124) We don't care what the sticky note said, using your illness as a weapon and naming it 'Blades of Blood' is unsanitary Ukitake.

125) Zombies do not exist Hitsugaya. We don't care what kind of proof you have.

126) While we encourage the enhancement of one's vocabulary, do not compare the size of your penis to a large word Tousen. Stop telling people to suck your antidisestablishmentarianism.

127) Hitsugaya, stop telling Ukitake the cake is a lie.

128) Stop getting arrested in the world of the living.

129) Stop allowing your subordinates to stalk you Aizen. We never gave you permission to start up a cult following.

130) Nothing in the Seireitei is 'OVER 9000!'


	9. Page Seven

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

Disclaimer-I don't own Bleach but I do own Lieutenant Shihoin.

AN: So the original Handbook of Central 46 has reached over 200 reviews? WTF? People actually _like _this little crackpot idea of mine!

Now, I'm not trying to sound all big-headed but in all seriousness, I really _didn't_ expect over 200 reviews for a list of rules/one shots; maybe 15 or 20 at the greatest. I like that people enjoy this; except for that one person that said the first version was filled with lazy inaccuracies.

Did someone say…_The Handbook of Hueco Mundo…_?

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

131) Don't blame it on the alcohol.

132) Stop spreading rumors Kyoraku. All the new recruits believe the Creepy Guy is leaving those sticky notes.

133) For the last time, that's _not_ what she said.

134) Hitsugaya, please stop giving the candy Ukitake gives you to Kusajishi-fukutaicho's. We don't need her recklessly killing people.

135) Hazing is not an official initiation into the Gotei 13. Stop listening to those sticky notes.

136) You are not the almighty Ruler of Weather for the Seireitei Hitsugaya. Stop listening to those sticky notes.

137) Tousen, please stop greeting other shinigami in your ranks with `What's crackin' lil bitches?'

138) Kurotsuchi, we don't know why the birds are angry and we don't care. It is just a game from the world of the living. There is no need for a full blown investigation.

139) Why are you all so sexually provocative?

140) Do not give Aizen-taicho a reason to get naked.

141) Do not give Ichimaru-taicho a reason to pull out his hole puncher.

142) Head Captain Yamamoto is not secretly allied with the Dark Side.

143) Nor does he offer cookies for the application process.

144) There is no application process for joining the Dark Side.

145) Those suspicious sticky notes ARE suspicious.

146) _We_ are _not _the ones leaving these sticky notes.

147) Komamura, you are not a P-I-M-P.

148) Do not use your blindness as an excuse to walk into your division's female baths Tousen.

149) Soi Fon, please stop stalking Shihoin-fukutaicho in the hopes that you would get to see her sister. She was _not _expecting to see you in her shower.

150) We shouldn't have had to make this handbook. You all are just as bad as the lieutenants.


	10. Page Eight

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

Disclaimer-I don't own Bleach but I do own Lieutenant Shihoin.

AN: Originally, I planned to do only one page of reviewers' rules but since people have been reviewing with more of their own rules, I'll make another page.

Seriously, everyone that reads this is awesome :)

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

151) Aizen, we've already banned rap music so stop walking around Seireitei singing 'Hoes get out your clothes, hoes get naked'.

152) Ichimaru, stop following Aizen and stating 'And the Lord Aizen spoketh to the hoes to remove their clothing. And they got naked'.

153) Didn't we say _not _to encourage the lieutenants with that Gods of Rukongai nonsense?

154) Kyoraku, you are not a spiritual advisor so stop telling every new female recruit that you meet that her zodiac sign is a 'Sign for Lovemaking'.

155) Zaraki, stop walking up to random shinigami and stating 'Challenge Accepted'.

156) Ukitake, stop proving rumors true. Lts. Matsumoto and Shihoin are _wrong_, you are _not _a sugar daddy.

157) Ichimaru, you are not the Prince of Fighting. You are not allowed to start up a tournament with Zaraki, recruit fighters and watch them fight to the death.

158) No Kuchiki, we will not allow you to have your own stand-up comedy special. What have we told you about telling jokes?

159) Stop trying to recruit the new recruits to the Dark Side using cookies.

160) The Gods of Rukongai are not with the Dark Side.

161) There is no Dark Side.

162) THERE ARE NO GODS OF RUKONGAI.

163) Aizen, stop telling your cult following that you are on the Dark Side.

164) GET RID OF THAT CULT FOLLOWING!

165) Soi Fon, stop telling those 'In Soviet Russia…' jokes.

166) Head Captain Yamamoto didn't appreciate those demotivational posters Unohana.

167) Tousen, you cannot sell your lieutenant to the Shihoin elders. Stop listening to those sticky notes.

168) Kurotsuchi, stop leering at your subordinates, wringing your hands and uttering, 'The sweetest perfection…'

169) Nor are you to crouch in a corner and whisper 'The precious….my precious….' to something in your hands.

170) Unohana, we advise that you get your temper in check. We understand the pressure you are under sometimes but we're sure the answer to that recruit's question was not, 'Don't ask me, ask him if you're so damn curious. Otherwise get his dick out of your mouth and man the fuck up. Can yo bitch ass hand me the scapel?'


	11. Page Nine

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

Disclaimer-I don't own Bleach but I do own Lieutenant Shihoin.

AN: So college is no joke now. I'm in my second year so I might not be able to update as much as I would like to :/

Don't worry! The Handbook of Hueco Mundo shall be coming out soon, I promise!

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

171) Please stop trying to explain rule 170.

172) Kurotsuchi, stop trying to engineer a device that can provide someone with their own 'Personal Jesus'. Stop listening to that 80's music from the world of the living.

173) Tousen, your rule is not 'The Policy of Truth'.

174) That was more than enough Chuck Norris facts than we needed to know Komamura.

175) Soi Fon, you are not the Queen of Fighting. You are not allowed to start up a tournament with Zaraki and Ichimaru, recruit fighters and watch them fight to the death.

176) Stop pointing out people's 'EPIC FAILS' Komamura.

177) Ichimaru, NO.

178) Kurotsuchi, stop whatever sick obsession you have with Lieutenant Abarai. We'd appreciate it if he came to work _sane _every morning.

179) Kuchiki, we've now revoked your jurisdiction over your lieutenant's traveling to Squad 12.…thing. If you send him there again….

180) Kyoraku, just because the song asks why one still has their clothes on does NOT give you permission to remove all your clothing.

181) Hitsugaya, you are not allowed to start up your own cult following just to combat Captain Aizen's just because you think he's evil.

182) _No one's _allowed to have cult followings.

183) THE GODS OF RUKONGAI DO NOT DEMAND CULT FOLLOWINGS!

184) Nor do they demand virgin sacrifices for the Dark Side since the cookies aren't enough.

185) THERE IS NO DARK SIDE.

186) Stop breaking the fourth wall Tousen.

187) Ukitake, please don't encourage your fellow captains to dress up in ridiculous holiday costumes.

188) It's not _our _fault the cake is a lie, stop blaming us.

189) Who convinced Soi Fon that Yoruichi is apart of the Gods of Rukongai and that she has a cult following?

190) Soi Fon, stop walking up to random souls and stating, 'Challenge Accepted'.


	12. Page Ten

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

Disclaimer-I don't own Bleach but I do own Lieutenant Shihoin.

AN: What is this? An _update?_

If I didn't have to write so many papers for my English class, this would have _been_ updated by now. Oh well, enjoy :)

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><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

191) Some of these rules are repeated for a reason.

192) No, the serenading was _not _a good idea Komamura.

193) There is no handbook regarding the behavior of the seats of Central 46 as we know how to behave and carry over selves in a dignified manner. There is no need for all of you to each write a page and submit it to us. We won't read it.

194) Who started up that fake ID shop behind Squad 12 barracks?

195) No Tousen, your squad's new motto can't be 'No one on the corner has swagga like us'.

196) We will not make a rule where all classes in the Shinigami Academy must 'pledge allegiance to the swag' before starting class.

197) Stop introducing new anime to the academy students. They'll turn into you all.

198) That last rule was meant as a joke! There is no way we want the next generation of soul reapers to act like you captains (and lieutenants because we know you're reading this too).

199) Although that gigai of Head Captain Yamamoto is smart and innovative Kurotsuchi, we'll need you to get rid of it because Unohana has somehow gotten her hands on it.

200) 'Guess That Fetish!' was _not _an approved game show Ichimaru.

201) We do not promote the spreading of memes. Stop trying to Rick Roll us Komamura.

202) Why do you all feel the need to ruin our lives with nonsense that you find in the world of the living?

203) The Game? What ga-damn it Kurotsuchi.

204) You can not 'haz cheezburger' Ukitake. That's not even proper grammar.

205) Who took the cookies from the cookie jar?

206) Stop quoting lines from movies.

207) None of us have sticks up our asses. No we didn't get that from the Handbook for Central 46 because we didn't read it.

208) _We _are not the Gods of Rukongai.

209) No more contact with social media websites from the world of the living.

210) Central 46 knows how to have fun when the time calls for it. No we did not get that from the Handbook for Central 46. No, our feelings are not hurt.


	13. Page Eleven

_This set of rules has been written from observation and influence of the acts and behaviors of the captains of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. They shall be held as such, no matter the situation. They shall be followed at all times and updated when deemed necessary._

Disclaimer-I don't own Bleach.

AN: Thank you to **SuperYuuki, RukiaGallega, Writing bunny, Dark demon619, Miku Alli, Reninji and Lone Sparrow-Ishida Uryu **for their rules. You guys rock.

I've got a different idea for the next handbook, and it's not about Hueco Mundo.

* * *

><p><strong>The Handbook of Central 46: Captain's Edition<strong>

211) Soi Fon, we know we told you to stop writing fan fiction, but that last story was just-please keep it going _*scribbles*_ NO. We _said_ stop writing and we _meant_ it.

212) Unohana, we'd love it if you would start answering recruits' questions with appropriate responses. They didn't need to know that "Chains and whips don't scare me; they excite me!" And neither did we.

213) Kuchiki, that seaweed thing can't be the new emblem of your Squad.

214) Ichigo Kurosaki is not a personal bitch to any of you. Nor does he want to be, so give it a rest already!

215) Zaraki, stop challenging Kuchiki; we don't care if he's asking for it.

216) Kuchiki, stop accepting Zaraki's challenges; we can't afford to repair Seireitei so frequently.

217) Captain Hitsugaya, please try and control your lieutenant's consumption of sake, we don't want to have to repair half of the first division again after she somehow convinced head-Captain Yamamoto to release his zanpakuto so they could 'rost some marshmellows'

218) Song lyrics should not make up the body of your mission reports. Stop doing that.

219) Captain Zaraki, stop going to that camp in the world of the living in your free time, even if this 'Jason Voorhees' does exist, it would be for the best for the entire Soul Society if he STAYED there.

220) Kurotsuchi, when making a gigai for a shinigami, make them the same gender as the shinigami who needs it.

221) Who is Ezio Auditore and why is Kyoraku trying to emulate his/her 'swag'?

222) Unohana, stay away from captain Zaraki. That could've counted as sexual harassment, you know.

223) Captain Ichimaru, do not go around scaring your subordinates and asking them, "Why so serious?"

224) Tousen, there is no need for you to recite 'Requiescat in pace' (rest in peace) to your sparring partner after a match.

225) Kurotsuchi, put that human back where you found it.

226) Soi Fon, your zanpakuto's shikai form is not a sex toy. We don't care what finger it's on.

227) Stop it with the theme songs. We expected better than that from you, Kuchiki, and we don't care when you wear your sunglasses, but wearing them at night is unsafe.

228) Same for you, Komamura. No one has let the dogs out. Stop asking who did.

229) Captain Kurotsuchi does not sell rings of power.

230) Nor do the green lanterns that power them work; believe us, we've tried.

231) No more Dark Knight references! The recruits are scarred enough as is.

232) When Captain Kyoraku wants to show off his "hammer", it is not the hammer of Thor.

233) Who wrote page 7 in the Handbook for Central 46? Not that we read it or anything.

234) Putting your zanpakuto to your subordinates throats and flipping a coin to decide whether they live or die is not a punishment, Captain Aizen.

235) There is no secret guild of deadly Assassins. There is no secret society of evil dudes called Templars. There are no supernatural artifacts created by Those Who Came Before. The Assassins and the Templars are not at war with one another for the supernatural artifacts created by Those Who Came Before because the fate of the world is at sake because they do not exist. No this rule is not specifically specific from us playing those games from the world of the living. Get back to work.


End file.
